A 12-Step test: Is AA for you?

Addiction and Recovery

By Bob Gaydos

Perhaps the most important tool of recovery from alcoholism is self- honesty. In a society that often seems to revolve around drinking, it’s a rare person who easily admits he or she can’t drink the way everyone else seems to be able to do. Socially. Responsibly.

Two things about that:

1. Not everyone else is drinking socially or responsibly. It’s difficult to know what’s really going on in people’s lives away from social settings.
2. Acknowledging that one can’t “drink like everyone else” is not an admission of weakness. It’s an acceptance of reality that can be a lifesaver. That’s where the self-honesty comes in.

Many people who are successful in recovery from alcoholism spend a good deal of time looking at themselves. Examining their motives. Judging their actions. It’s a way of warding off some of the things that alcoholics can use as excuses to drink.

Self-inventory is a critical part of the 12-Step recovery pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous 75 years ago. Three of the 12 steps specifically deal with inventory-taking. Obviously, honesty is crucial to the process.

But the first honest moment for an alcoholic comes in admitting there’s a problem. Accepting it may have to come later. To help people determine if their drinking is something other than social, AA World Services has created a 12-step questionnaire. It’s the first step at what is hoped to be honest self-appraisal.

At this time of year, with people typically looking back at what was and perhaps looking forward to changing some things, it seemed like a good time to offer the AA questionnaire. There are other, similar questionnaires, some of which are used as diagnostic tools. This test can be taken privately, right now. Above all, for your own sake, be honest.

Is A.A. For You?

Answer YES or NO to the following questions.

1. Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?

Yes  No

2. Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?

Yes  No

3. Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?

Yes  No

4. Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?

Yes  No

5. Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?

Yes  No

6. Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?

Yes  No

7. Has your drinking caused trouble at home?

Yes  No

8. Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?

Yes  No

9. Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?

Yes  No

10. Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?

Yes  No

11. Do you have "blackouts"?

(A "blackout" is when you have been drinking hours or days which you cannot remember. This is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking.)

Yes  No

12. Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?

Yes  No

According to AA, if you answered YES four or more times, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. The organization says this is based on results of thousands of people in A.A. saying so for many years. It also says, “Remember, there is no disgrace in facing up to the fact that you have a problem.”

If the results suggest a problem, it doesn’t mean you must go to AA for help, but you might want to consult a professional for verification and possible treatment. Or, you can go to an AA meeting. Maybe do both.

Help

• Alcoholics Anonymous: http://www.aa.org/
• AA Orange County: http://www.orangenyaa.org/; (845) 534-8525
• AA Sullivan County: (845) 295-1010
• AA Ulster County: (845) 331-6360
• National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence: national@ncadd.orgwww.ncadd.org
• Alcoholism & Drug Abuse Council of Orange County: www.adacinfo.com; (845) 294-9000
• Recovery Center, Monticello: 845-794-8080

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Al-Anon can be a life-saver for alcoholics' loved ones

(My Addiction and Recovery column from the Times Herald-Record, Oct. 30.)
By Bob Gaydos

“For 49 years, I thought I knew what alcoholism was. When I finally found my way into the doors of Al-Anon, I quickly discovered I was mistaken about everything I ever thought I knew about alcoholism.”
The speaker, “J,” an Al-Anon member from the mid-Hudson, is not unique. In fact, pretty much the norm. Or used to be. For the past four years, J. has been getting a detailed and continuing education in what alcoholism is and, more importantly, how people live with active alcoholics in their lives, or their past. It has been a life changer for J. and millions of other men and women who have discovered the companion 12-step group to Alcoholics Anonymous.
“It seems to me,” J. says, “that people with long-term recovery in A.A. operate on a different level from others.  They’re calmer, wiser.  It’s like they have a college degree in dealing with life.  Al-Anon is like a Ph. D.”
  That assessment is shared by many others. Unfortunately, especially given the extent of the damage it causes, there remains an appalling lack of awareness or understanding of the disease of alcoholism in society. But there is even less understanding of the damage the disease visits on people who live with and love alcoholics, and too little awareness of the help available to them from groups like Al-Anon. That’s because the focus is pretty much always on the alcoholic, the one making all the trouble, the one with the problem. The one with the disease.
In  Al-Anon, new members learn -- or at least hear -- crucial lessons early on: They cannot control the behavior of the alcoholic in their lives. Step One. They are not responsible for the behavior of alcoholics who used to be in their lives. They, too, suffered from significant emotional ills as a result of living with an active alcoholic. The best thing -- perhaps even the only thing at the time -- is for them to focus on getting themselves healthy and then learning about the disease of alcoholism and how to co-exist with it. Or not.
People usually come to Al-Anon in despair, full of fear. They can’t figure out how to get the alcoholic to stop drinking. He or she won’t even admit to being an alcoholic even though all the signs are there. He’s throwing our money away. She’s ignoring the kids. He’s so selfish, so angry, so cruel, etc.
 What members say they find quickly is hope. Other members tell of their experiences with alcoholics, what they did about it and what their lives are like now. The message is clear: If you focus on dealing with your own illness -- alcoholism is truly a family disease -- you will get healthier, learn to make healthy choices for yourself, feel better about yourself and be able to lead a healthier life, even if the alcoholic keeps drinking. Don’t worry; we have tools you can use to do this. Believe that it worked for us and that it can work for you. Not overnight, but if you follow the suggestions to the best of your ability, you will get better a day at a time.

Like J., most Al-Anon members with a bit of time to practice what they have learned, swear by the approach. They may still try, in different ways from before, to help the alcoholic to find help, but if they have followed the suggested 12 steps, they focus on living healthier lives themselves, more confident and less fearful, more hopeful than shame-filled, in charge of their lives and no one else’s.

For a listing of Al-Anon meetings in the area, phone numbers and addresses, and more information about Al-Anon, go to www.al-anonny.org. You can also call: 1-888-425-2666.

*  *  *

Al-Anon has many pamphlets with useful information. Following are a few questions from a pamphlet aimed at those who grew up with a problem drinker:`Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation?

• Do you fear criticism?
• Do you have a need for perfection?
• Do you care for others easily, yet find it difficult to care for yourself?
• Do you isolate yourself from other people?
• Do you have trouble with intimate relationships?
• Do you attract and/or seek people who tend to be compulsive and/or abusive?
• Do you often mistrust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others?
• Do you think parental drinking may have affected you?

        A few yes answers may mean that Al-Anon can help.