My latest Addiction and Recovery column
By Bob Gaydos
There’s a one-page, two-sided flyer published by Al-Anon Family Groups that poses a question which should give pause to millions of people.
The question: “Did you grow up with a problem drinker?”
The answer is important and shouldn’t be arrived at hastily because the effects of someone else’s drinking -- a parent or other close relative, for example -- can cause numerous problems for the non-drinker. And not all of them are obvious. Furthermore, the problems can be aggravated if their cause goes undetected.
The flyer states, “Many adults question whether they have been affected by alcoholism.” That means someone else’s alcoholism. To help answer that question, Al-Anon offers 20 questions. They are worth serious attention by anyone of any age who thinks the situation may apply to him or her.
The questions:
- Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation?
- Do you fail to recognize your accomplishments?
- Do you fear criticism?
- Do you overextend yourself?
- Have you had problems with your own compulsive behavior?
- Do you have a need for perfection?
- Are you uneasy when your life is going smoothly, continually anticipating problems?
- Do you feel more alive in the midst of a crisis?
- Do you still feel responsible for others, as you did for the problem drinker in your life?
- Do you care for others easily, yet find it difficult to care for yourself?
- Do you isolate yourself from other people?
- Do you respond with anxiety to authority figures and angry people?
- Do you feel that individuals and society in general are taking advantage of you?
- Do you have trouble with intimate relationships?
- Do you confuse pity with love, as you did with the problem drinker?
- Do you attract and seek people who tend to be compulsive?
- Do you cling to relationships because you are afraid of being alone?
- Do you often mistrust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others?
- Do you find it difficult to express your emotions?
- Do you think parental drinking may have affected you?
Alcoholism is referred to as a family disease for good reason. The effects of someone’s problem drinking can be felt for generations. Parents who do not have a problem with drinking may have had parents who did. As a result, unhealthy behaviors are learned and passed on, often with no recognition that someone’s alcoholism may have spawned them.
If you answered yes to any of the questions, Al-Anon may be able to help you. That’s because its members have experienced many of the same problems and learned healthier ways of dealing with life. If you are an adult who doesn’t drink and doesn’t have a problem drinker in your life today, yet you answered yes to any of the above questions, it’s worth reviewing: Were there any problem drinkers in your life in the past? Did you grow up with a problem drinker?
Al-Anon’s 12-step program -- adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous -- puts the emphasis on looking at one’s own actions, as opposed to being focused on the drinker’s. This helps develop an awareness of one’s own behavioral and emotional problems, which can persist whether there’s an active alcoholic in one’s life or not. This awareness, in turn, can help start the healing process from those previously unrecognized effects of living with the disease of alcoholism.
It’s not just about the drinking. Future columns will deal with this issue in more detail.
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More information
-- http://www.al-anonny.org
-- http://www.al-anon.alateen.org
bobgaydos.blogspot.com
My latest Addiction and Recovery column
By Bob Gaydos
“I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics have to go to those meetings. I’m just a heavy drinker.”
Maybe yes; maybe no. Either way, if you’re having this conversation with someone else, or just with yourself, it’s likely there are issues lurking that are related to your consumption of alcohol. As rules of thumb go, the one that says: “If drinking is causing problems in your life, it’s a problem,” is as reliable as it gets.
For those who describe themselves as “heavy drinkers,” it would probably be useful to know what health experts mean when they use the term, as well as possible risks involved in that pattern of behavior.
The Centers for Disease Control recently issued a report on heavy drinking which defined it as 15 or more drinks per week for men or eight or more drinks per week for women. That raised the limit by one drink per week in each case from standards issued by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. But, as some professionals in the field would say, if you’re counting drinks, there’s already a problem.
Of course, it’s important to know what is meant by a drink. A standard drink, according to the NIAAA is 1.5 ounces of hard liquor or brandy, 12 ounces of beer and five ounces of table wine. All alcohol has the same effect, regardless of the form. If your “standard” drink is larger, the total drink count will be higher. And, possibly, the risks.
It’s true, some people can drink more than others and not have problems as a result. It’s also true that at least 40 percent of Americans drink little or no alcohol at all. But for anyone describing himself or herself as a “heavy drinker,’’ the NIAAA says it matters how much you drink on any one day and how often you have heavy drinking days.
Among those who have one heavy drinking day per month, the agency says one in five, or 20 percent, already have alcoholism or alcohol abuse. One heavy drinking day per week raises the odds to one in three. Two or more heavy drinking days per week, makes it 50 percent, according to the NIAAA.
And so what? says the “heavy drinker.” I have a job. My family loves me. I’m young. Alcohol is good for the heart. I get good grades. I don’t drink any more than my friends do. If it becomes a problem, I’ll cut back.
Again, maybe so. But also again, it’s good to know the risks involved with heavy drinking. There’s nothing new here. Heavy drinking increases the chances of being injured or killed in auto accidents, fires, drownings, or being the victim of an assault or suicide. It poses greater risk of liver disease, heart disease, depression, stroke, sexually transmitted diseases and more. It can pose a risk to the baby if a woman drinks during pregnancy and, just as with alcoholism, alcohol abuse -- or heavy drinking -- can cause legal problems, trouble in relationships and failure to meet responsibilities at work, school, home, etc.
If you’re serious about wanting to know if you’re just a heavy drinker -- someone who can successfully manage his or her alcohol intake and even curtail it -- rather than someone who “needs to go to those meetings,” the NIAAA offers a test, as it were.
For one week, with dinner, have one standard drink of wine or beer. Or if you prefer, one standard drink of hard liquor or brandy before dinner. That’s it. Nothing else. No changing drinks from day to day. The NIAAA says people who can take it or leave will have no problem. Alcoholics flunk.
As always, the idea is not to judge or condemn, but rather to take an honest look at one’s drinking in the hope of avoiding or eliminating problems that can arise from the abuse of alcohol. A heavy dose of honesty can be the best medicine when substance abuse is in question.
rjgaydos@gmail.com
